


something you should know

by ilykmh



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Closure, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Past! FWB, past serim/jungmo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilykmh/pseuds/ilykmh
Summary: what jungmo thought was a dark past for him suddenly resurfaced out of nowhere. this time, allen is there to help him out but he discovers a few connections along the way
Relationships: Allen Ma/Koo Jungmo, Koo Jungmo/Park Serim
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	something you should know

**Author's Note:**

> this took me almost 2 weeks to finish with the help of khei and seo,, also please write mogullen

Jungmo punched in the code to his, or more like, their shared apartment. It was a quarter past six. Jungmo just got out of work. 

“I’m home.” He mumbled quietly, not seeing Allen in the living room. Jungmo made his way to the kitchen. Allen was probably busying himself with cleaning, and he was right. Allen had his back facing Jungmo. The younger figured he was wiping a few chinawares to pass time seeing how almost all of them looked spotless clean. 

Jungmo sneaked behind him slowly. Allen jolted at the arms that wrapped around his waist. Luckily, he didn’t let go of the ceramic on hand. He looked back to see Jungmo, his long-term boyfriend of three years. Allen smiled and rotated his figure to engulf the taller into a hug. 

“Hey,” Jungmo smiled. “Did you miss me?” Jungmo’s remark earned a scoff from the older. Allen rolled his eyes and lightly pushed him away. 

“Yeah, right. I see you everyday. Why would I miss you, huh?” Allen teased. The taller crossed his arms with a pout. 

“You are very mean.” Jungmo huffed. Allen said nothing more and pulled Jungmo into the living room, made him sit on the sofa, and gave him a little kiss. 

“Weirdo, you know how much I love your whiny ass.” Allen ruffled Jungmo’s hair as soon as he pulled away. 

“See!” The younger pointed at him appallingly. “How can you say such sweet words mixed with rude ones.” Jungmo’s nose scrunched in confusion. 

“Whatever!” Allen laughed and pounced on Jungmo, resulting in both of them flopping down on their backs— more like on Jungmo’s back— and peppering the younger’s face with kisses. 

“I missed you so much.” Allen dragged each and every word in the most annoying way possible but Jungmo still found it adorable. Allen looked up at him and Jungmo took it as a chance to give his nose a small smooch. 

The two cuddled their way through the rest of the night. Just when Allen was about to doze off, Jungmo’s phone lit up continuously. Jungmo looked at Allen, who was ushering him to answer, apologetically, before he left Allen’s embrace to answer the phone call coming from an unknown number. 

“Hello? Who’s this?” Jungmo asked the person from the other line. He smiled lazily at Allen who was watching him from the sofa. The reply from the other side made Jungmo’s inside churn in a sudden wave of anxiousness. He knew that voice all too well.

Allen probably noticed the sudden change of Jungmo’s mood that he mouthed, “Is everything okay?” to the younger who just nodded and turned his back on him. It was Jungmo’s way of saying that Allen didn’t have to worry about it so Allen returned his gaze to the television.

“Jungmo? This is Serim. I see you still have your old number.” Jungmo heard the other person chuckle. He hated how even after years he still knew how the other sounded. He despised it. 

“What do you want?” Jungmo tried asking indifferently. Serim clicked his tongue as a response.

“Come on, now. That’s not how you greet an old friend.” Jungmo could feel Serim’s grin through his tone. It made Jungmo clench his fist. How could someone be so thick-faced. 

“You are not a friend. Do you have anything else to say? I’m hanging up.” Jungmo ended the call, annoyed. He returned to Allen’s side with eyebrows furrowed together. 

“You okay there? Looks like someone you don’t vibe with.” Allen placed a comforting hand around Jungmo’s shoulders that calmed his tense figure almost immediately. Jungmo sighed and shook his head.

“Nah, don’t mind it. Just an annoying friend from college.” Jungmo lied through his teeth. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Allen stood up and offered but Jungmo refused and did his best to pull the older back down. 

“No, let’s just say I hate him so much.” Jungmo sighed, finally letting go of Allen after failing multiple attempts of sitting him down. 

“A guy?” The older rose a brow, his lips forming into a small sneer. Jungmo looked up to him and nodded. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed. “Some old fling I had during the start of college.” Jungmo lied again. He knew Serim was someone more than just a friend or a fling to him a few years ago. 

“A fling?” This got Allen’s attention. He sat back down beside the younger and angled his body to face Jungmo directly, his legs crossed over each other, and with his hands resting on the latter’s thigh, he sported an amused smile.

“Why are you looking at me like that, huh?” Jungmo narrowed his gaze to play along but deep inside, the memories of him and Serim were too strong to forget. 

Jungmo couldn’t understand why his brain refused to forget the man who had hurt him ten fold after acting like he was so inlove with him. Because of this, not only did Jungmo manage to remember the most important memories, he also learned how to hate them with all his might. 

“Just how popular were you in college? Figuring with this beautiful face of yours, you probably got into a lot of relationships before you met me, huh?” Allen traced Jungmo’s facial assets with a hearty chuckle. He couldn’t blame the people who liked Jungmo. I mean, have you seen how the man looks? He’s astounding; Allen thought.

Jungmo rolled his eyes, catching to bite the finger that ghosted over his lips. Allen’s features contorted into something plagiarizing agony to receive pity from his boyfriend. 

“Nonsense! I wasn’t in a lot of relationships before. If I were to be honest, you’re my first ever serious relationship.” Jungmo grinned at the man in front of him. Allen gave a scoff.

“So you were a playboy?” He teased. Jungmo glared at him which earned a laugh from himself. Jungmo and him never really talked about each other’s past relationships and honestly, Allen didn’t mind at all. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t take every chance he could get to know about the younger’s past.

“I was not! You are so mean.” Jungmo furrowed his brows as he pushed Allen away. The older laughed and gave him a side hug, pulling him closer. 

Allen gave his crown a small kiss. “I’m kidding, I love you so much.” 

Jungmo pretended to stay mad, knowing Allen couldn’t take it and soon enough would smother him with love and affection, just how he always liked it. 

————

_ Jungmo’s back met against the wall, a pair of eyes locked him into place. Serim gave a smile.  _

_ “What are you doing? We’ll be late for class.” Jungmo whispered quietly, as if scared that someone would hear them.  _

_ “Oh yeah? It doesn’t look like you wanna leave anytime soon, though?” Serim leaned in closer. He was right. Jungmo didn’t want to leave; not when he’s holding onto Serim’s sleeves for dear life, eager in pulling him closer.  _

_ “Either we make this quick or I’m going to leave you. I have a test in thirty minutes, hyung.” Jungmo was getting impatient, snaking his arms around Serim’s neck, slowly pulling him closer until their lips met in haste.  _

_ Serim found his arms caging Jungmo’s slender waist, pressing slightly on the delicate skin. It only eagered Jungmo to kiss more with all his energy.  _

_ Tongues clashed against each other, the sound of incoherent gasps echoed throughout the room everytime Serim grinded against Jungmo’s lower region. Serim took this as a chance to deepen the kiss further, his hands finding its way inside Jungmo’s clothes, tracing the most sensitive part of the latter’s chest.  _

_ The pleasure was overbearing for the younger that he had to separate from the kiss to tilt his head back and let out a disgruntled moan.  _

_ “Fuck.” Serim said to no one as he started kissing Jungmo’s jaw, leaving little bites here and there that riled up the younger even further.  _

_ “Lay down, on bed,” Jungmo managed to choke out. He felt himself move from the wall to the soft pile of cushion in one quick sweep.  _

_ Jungmo now had Serim on top of him. The two continued where they left off, Jungmo completely forgetting the ten minute warning he gave himself. He didn’t want to stop, he didn’t want to leave but when he remembered that the test was the one that would determine his faith as a graduating student, he pushed Serim away slowly.  _

_ “Hyung, I have to go, I really need to take this test.” Jungmo sat up from the bed and fixed himself in a hurry. He gave one last kiss to Serim before rushing to the door. Before he could leave entirely, he looked back at Serim with a smile. _

_ “Can we meet later after classes? I have to tell you something.” _

_ Jungmo finished up his exams rather quickly. He couldn’t wait to tell Serim about what was on his mind.  _

_ Serim agreed to meet with him by the field. Jungmo ran to the place, his heart pounding. He saw Serim and waved. The older reciprocated the action less energetically.  _

_ Jungmo’s busy feet slowly stopped as he was face to face with Serim. He sucked in a breath, but nothing came out of his mouth. He was really nervous about this. _

_ “Thanks for coming, hyung.” Jungmo smiled. Serim nodded.  _

_ “What is it, Jungmo?” He asked. Jungmo sighed, it was all or nothing.  _

_ “Hyung, I know this is really stupid but I think that—,” Jungmo was cut off by Serim’s laugh. _

_ “Jungmo, please don’t tell me you’re trying to confess?” Serim teased, not knowing it had stopped Jungmo from thinking further. Jungmo felt his heart shatter audibly. He couldn’t say anything at all.  _

_ “Remember what we talked about?” Serim laughed. Jungmo felt sick. Right, they were just each other’s comfort, nothing more. He expected this answer to come eventually but because of the tiniest sliver of hope, he made himself believe that Serim had probably changed his mind at some point.  _

_ “Yeah, right.” Jungmo let out a bitter laugh that went unnoticed, trying to hide the hurt in his tone. “As if I would.” Jungmo had to laugh, almost believing his own words to make himself feel better. _

_ “Oh? Then what is it?” Serim straightened his posture, intrigued by what the younger had to say.  _

_ “I think we should stop whatever the hell both of us are doing.” Jungmo sighed, his breath nearly shaking. The grin on Serim’s face dissipated, replaced with a sour expression of confusion and possibly anger.  _

_ “All of a sudden? Is there something wrong, Jungmo?” Serim’s voice was getting louder by each word. Jungmo was worried about the people around them. _

_ “Everything we are doing is wrong, Serim. I don’t know about you, but for me, it is. I know you don’t like me, and I definitely don’t like you either,” That was a lie. “So I think it’s better for us if we stop this. I don’t want to keep doing something knowing that I’ll be at the losing end.” _

_ “But you’re not losing, Jungmo. Aren’t we both benefiting from this? You get to relieve your stress and I get to have fun. It’s a win-win situation isn’t it?” Serim tried to convince Jungmo but it angered Jungmo even further.  _

_ “So you think I’m just someone you can play with?” Jungmo scoffed. Serim’s eyes widened in the slightest. _

_ “I didn’t mean it like that, Jungmo.” He waved his hands quickly. He tried holding Jungmo’s hands but the latter was quick to get it back.  _

_ “Then what else would you be trying to imply? That I’m just your past-time? Is that it?” Jungmo spat. Serim was taken aback at Jungmo’s tone.  _

_ “Of course not!” He nearly shouted. A few passer-bys looked into their direction. Serim grabbed his hands again, clasping them with his.  _

_ “I never thought of it like that, I’m sorry.” Serim apologized but Jungmo knew better than to accept it. Afterall, why would he continue this if Serim had obviously implied that he never had feelings for Jungmo in the first place. _

_ “Look, I’m sorry.” Jungmo retracted his hands back. Serim’s arms fell loosely on his sides. _

_ “I don’t want to see you anymore.” Jungmo’s voice cracked. “Thanks for everything, I guess.” He turned on his heel and left, not sparing Serim any more glances because if he did, Jungmo doesn’t think he’d want to leave the latter any time soon. _

————

Jungmo shot up awake. Almost instantly, he felt the person beside him sit as well. He looked to his sides to see Allen looking at him in worry through sleepy eyes. The older was awoken by the sudden movement. Jungmo checked the time, it was a quarter past four in the morning.

“Mogu, are you okay?” Allen caressed Jungmo’s cheeks, trying to wipe away the sudden tears that even Jungmo didn’t know were there. The younger started to cry even harder, hugging Allen close to him.

“Baby, what’s wrong, hm? Why are you crying? Did you dream of something bad?” Allen spoke to Jungmo with the softest tone his chords could muster, but Jungmo said nothing. He only hugged the older even tighter.

Jungmo sobbed loudly on Allen’s shoulders. “Hyung,” He cried out. Allen felt his heart break at the sound. Jungmo sounded so hurt. What did he dream of?

“You love me, right? You’re not going to leave me just like him, will you? You’re not seeing me just for fun, right?” Jungmo detached himself from the older, saying everything quickly yet Allen managed to understand what he meant.

“Of course I love you, Mogu.” He held Jungmo’s hands. The younger stared at their linked fingers and remembered a bitter memory from long ago. He shook his head, crying. Tears flowed out of his eyes like crazy.

“I love you so much. I would never leave you nor think of you as some pastime of mine. You are my life, I would never hurt you.” Allen held Jungmo’s face and pulled him closer, giving his forehead a light kiss. 

This seemed to calm Jungmo, his breathing starting to go back to normal yet ragged inhales and exhales.

“Do you want to talk about what you dreamed of? Of course, only if you’re comfortable with it.” Allen tried. Jungmo refused the offer and Allen respected it. 

“Okay, that’s alright. Tell me when you’re ready, okay?” He smiled. Allen was such a sweet person, Jungmo thought. It made him feel lighter. Jungmo nodded. 

Allen lied down first, pulling Jungmo close to him. He spooned the younger to make him feel better, giving him small kisses and pats on the head just until he fell asleep. 

_ Who keeps making you feel like this? _

————

Jungmo’s phone rang throughout the apartment. He was in the living room when it started buzzing non-stop so he chose to ignore it, turning deaf from the obnoxious sound. He didn’t want to talk to anybody today.

“Jungmo, your phone keeps buzzing, why don’t you answer it?” Allen peeked his head out from the kitchen. Jungmo shook his head. 

“Should I answer it for you?” Allen offered. This time, he was leaning by the entrance. He just finished cooking up for lunch. As much as he loved Jungmo, he would never make the younger cook for them. Jungmo was too clumsy to be in the kitchen. 

“Yes, please.” Jungmo maundered and stretched on the couch. Allen let out a chuckle and walked to their shared room to check on Jungmo’s phone. 

As soon as he entered, the ringing started again. He wondered who would be annoying Jungmo so much on a Sunday. He walked closer to the device and sat himself by the bed, waiting for the call to end so he could see the caller— and block them for the meantime Jungmo didn’t want to answer anyone— but when it did, Allen was surprised at the caller ID. 

‘NEVER ANSWER!!’ was what it said. But what’s more surprising is that the said caller had left more than ten missed calls from this day alone. 

“Who the hell is this?” He mumbled to himself. Contrary to the caller ID, as soon as the number called again, Allen picked it up with no hesitation.

“Finally, you picked—,” 

“Who the hell are you?” Allen didn’t let the other side finish and asked directly. The other line went silent for a few seconds.

“I should be asking the same thing, where is Jungmo?” The caller finally said. Allen scoffed. 

“Jungmo doesn’t want to speak with anyone at the moment and surely, you don’t need to know who I am.” Allen wasn’t sure but there was something familiar with the other caller’s voice.

“Is that so? Then alright, just tell him a friend called to check up on him.” 

“Who’s the friend in question?” Allen didn’t like the person he was talking to. 

“Serim. Park Serim.” And he was right. 

“Serim?” He asked, not believing his own ears. 

“Yeah? And who may this be?” Serim asked confused. It made Allen’s blood boil. 

“None of your business. Now leave Jungmo alone and stop calling him.” Allen abruptly ended the call and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe that talking to him, much less a single mention of that guy’s name, was enough to bring back his hatred for someone. 

Allen blocked the number and deleted it from Jungmo’s contacts. He stood up, and heaved a heavy sigh. He took Jungmo’s phone with him and went back to the living room.

Jungmo smiled at the approaching figure but soon that smile turned into a frown seeing the latter’s face. On Allen’s hand was his phone. Jungmo started to get anxious. Was it Serim who kept calling him? Shit, I should’ve taken the calls instead. 

“How do you know Serim?” The younger one suddenly looked up in cold sweat. Guess his assumptions were correct. 

Jungmo was tongue tied. He couldn’t say anything to Allen. Even if he wasn’t hiding anything, he still felt scared to tell him about Serim.

“He was a college friend, Al.” Jungmo said, shifting in his seat under Allen’s narrow gazes. The older man walked up to his side and sat himself in close distance. Jungmo avoided his eyes. 

“Hey, look at me.” Allen’s voice was gentle, but his fingers on Jungmo’s chin felt like they were burning. Jungmo sucked in a breath before looking straight at him. 

“Is there something I should know? Something about you and Serim?” And just like that, tears fell from Jungmo’s eyes once again. Allen let him be, he gave Jungmo the comfort he needed. He wanted answers, of course but he didn’t like seeing his boyfriend cry. 

“I’m afraid that you’ll hate me once I tell you.” Jungmo sniffled. Allen kept reassuring him that he wouldn’t, he would never. Because he believed that things happened for a reason. 

“Serim, Serim was the first guy who broke my heart.” Jungmo finally managed to let out. “He made me believe that he was the man of my dreams.” If Allen frowned, he didn’t show it.

“Sorry for saying that.” The younger apologized. “No worries, I understand.” Allen smiled and held Jungmo’s hands in his. Sometimes, Jungmo felt that he didn’t deserve Allen’s kindness towards him. 

“Back in college, we had a thing together. It wasn’t official, but none of us really said anything and just went with the flow.” Jungmo sighed. Allen listened. 

“At first it was all fun. Both of us just do it for our needs, for when we’re bored, angry, sad, name it, we’ve always met up just to free our minds. It was going well, we contacted each other when needed. Nothing extreme, just casual makeouts.” Jungmo’s voice lowered a pitch at the last sentence but Allen still heard. He chose to ignore it. 

“But then, the feelings came. To be more exact, it was mine.” The younger held eye contact with Allen for a quick second before staring back at his clenched fists. “Before I realized it, I fell for him.”

“One day, after a meet-up of ours, I asked to meet him again after classes. I was going to tell him how I felt but apparently, before I could even say it to him, he clearly hinted that he didn’t like me.” The sour look on Jungmo’s face was mirrored by Allen.

“He told me how our meet-ups were just so I could relieve stress and while he just had fun.” Allen felt bad. “I hated it when he said that. I felt so used, I mean I don’t think I was but that’s what I felt. Like I’m just some kind of past time for him.” Jungmo inhaled shakily. 

“I’m so sorry that you have to hear such things from my past. This was why I was scared of sharing it with you.” He shook his head. Allen didn’t say anything, pulling Jungmo into a comforting hug. 

After a while, he spoke, “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Serim is a jerk for making you feel like that.” Honest to goodness, Allen didn’t know what emotion he was bringing right now. The whole situation was just so sudden.

“Do you hate me?” 

“Now why would I? Of course I don’t, Mogu. That was from the past. And I am in no place to get mad at you.” What Allen said was right. He couldn’t get mad at Jungmo and besides, he had no reason to. Everyone has been through those things at least once in their lives and well, Allen couldn’t care less. He respected everyone and didn’t judge. 

“How do you feel?” Allen asked. Jungmo stared at him through teary eyes. 

“What?” 

“How do you feel after letting out what you feel?” The older tried again. Jungmo’s mouth formed into a small round shape.

“Oh, I feel much better now.” He smiled sadly. “Thank you for listening and not getting mad at me for the hundredth time.” Allen chuckled at the exaggeration and wiped away his tears. 

“I told you, there’s nothing to be mad of, baby. Now come, let’s have lunch.” Allen pulled Jungmo up and led him to the dining room, sat him down, and gave him a small kiss on the cheeks before sitting down on the opposite side. 

As they ate, Allen noticed how Jungmo was still sulking. He sighed and placed his utensils down.

“Hey,” he called to catch the younger’s attention. “Don’t dwell on it too much. I wouldn’t get mad at you just because of that. Besides, I wasn’t in the picture when that happened so I’m in no place to get mad at you, okay?” Allen kept repeating his words, making sure Jungmo was convinced and that he would stop thinking about it. 

“What’s important is that you’re the one I like and that I’m the one you like.” He tried lightening up the mood. Jungmo smiled. 

“Unless,” Jungmo looked at him. “You still like Serim?” Allen teased which earned him a harsh slap on the shoulders. He winced at the contact of Jungmo’s hands to his body. 

“No I don’t!” Jungmo glared at him through puffy eyes. Allen laughed and apologized. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Stop slapping me.” The older whined. 

“That’s what you deserve.” Jungmo huffed. “I don’t like anyone else but you.” He murmured, looking down on his food. Allen’s heart swelled at the sentence.

“You’re the only one I like, too. I love you.” 

—————

Allen thought about it for days. If Jungmo never talked to Serim after their last encounter, why would Serim suddenly contact Jungmo again? It hurt his head. 

He thought of calling Serim and asking what it was all about. As much as he hated him, he still wanted to do it for Jungmo. Not for himself, but Jungmo. 

That’s how he found himself asking Seo Woobin for Serim’s number. Jungmo was out for work so Allen took this chance to talk to Serim. He dialed up the number. Every second felt like a whole minute. Allen just wanted to get this over with. 

“Hello?” Serim finally picked up and Allen almost dropped the phone. He cleared his throat.

“Serim, it’s Allen.” The other line went silent. When Allen figured he wasn’t talking any time soon, he spoke again.

“Tell me, why do you keep bothering Jungmo?” This seemed to reach Serim’s attention. 

“You know Jungmo? . . Wait, you’re the one who answered his phone a few days ago?” Serim asked. Allen replied with a meek “Yeah.”, answering both questions.

“You guys live together? Is that it?” Allen was getting fed up with Serim's questions. 

“We’re together, of course we do.” 

Silence.

“Wow, he really got the best of both of us, huh.” Serim chuckled. Allen furrowed his eyebrows towards the statement. 

“What are you talking about?” He felt sick. He shouldn’t let Serim’s words affect him like this. 

“Do you even wanna know why we drifted apart in college?” Serim said. Allen felt himself clench his fist.

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“I think this is better addressed in person.” Serim sighed. “If you want to know, then let’s meet up at the usual spot later at 9, if not, then whatever.” He said nonchalant sounding. 

“What makes you think I want to see you?” Allen scoffed. Serim was too cocky and full of himself to think that Allen would easily agree.

“Because the story involves Jungmo.”

After that call, Allen’s mind was barely functioning. Sure, he was there physically but his thoughts were somewhere else. He wasn’t stupid, but he also wasn’t strong enough to assume things against Jungmo. For all he knew, Serim was just messing with him. 

“Allen, did you get that?” Minhee— a colleague’s— voice disrupted his rampant thoughts. He apologized and asked Minhee to run it over him once more. The younger sighed.

“You’ve been weird these days, hyung.” Minhee said as he fixed the papers on his desk. 

“How so?” At his statement, Minhee gave him a bland look. 

“You’ve been completely out of it. I don’t know if you know this but you wrote your boyfriend’s name instead of yours in the attendance sheet in the meeting earlier.” Allen cursed and Minhee laughed. 

“Good thing Hyeongjun changed it for you. If I was him I would’ve left it as is.” Minhee chafed at the older. Allen was too drained to think of a good comeback so he waved Minhee away. 

“Go. Stop bothering me.” He exaggeratedly sighed. Minhee figured it was quite serious. He sat beside Allen and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong? Are you guys okay?” Minhee was quite worried considering that Allen was never really the one to act like this in the first place. 

“Yeah. Just some important decision making on my part I guess. I don’t know what to do, Minhee. I’m worried that I’ll choose the wrong move and hurt Jungmo.” Allen slumped his head on the table only to feel Minhee’s hand push his head up again.

“I really can’t say much because this isn’t my place to meddle with but just go with what your gut tells you to do? I mean, it always works for me.” Allen laughed at Minhee’s words. 

“I know we’re old and all but our choice still lies within us. Either you follow what you feel is right, or go against it. Don’t refer to the second method, ten out of ten would not recommend.” Minhee made a face and stood up. 

“Okay, I have to go. Apologies for being a useless friend but I hope you choose the right decision.” Allen thanked Minhee as the younger left. Allen leaned back on his chair. Running a hand through his hair, he took Minhee’s words into careful consideration. 

Which is why he found himself driving to the destination where he and Serim were supposed to meet. He parked two blocks far north and opted to walk to the place instead. He called Jungmo saying he was on overtime. Thankfully, Minhee was kind enough to back him up. 

He stopped in front of the old, run-down building. Allen entered like it was a usual routine. It reeked of rat piss, exactly how he remembered it. It was surprising how he and Serim managed to survive hanging out in that trash of place, trying to hide from student responsibilities during their freshman years. 

Remembering those times, it made Allen’s stomach churn for some reason. A tap on his shoulders made him jolt. He looked back to see Serim.

“You really did come. I thought you’d leave me hanging.” Serim smiled weakly. 

“I’m not you, Serim.” Hearing this, as if a switch had been turned on, Serim remembered all the times he had ditched Allen by himself. Leaving him waiting for hours alone, not knowing Serim was doing something else. Serim regretted it, he regretted a lot of things he had done.

“I’m sorry for being a jerk. For leaving you behind. For everything. I’m really sorry.” Word after word felt like a stab to Allen. Serim sounded genuine, he really did, but this wasn’t about Allen. 

“Let’s not talk about that, Serim. Tell me what you meant about Jungmo.” The younger of the two tried to sound calm yet he avoided Serim’s eyes, hiding his curled-up fists in his jacket.

“But I am, Al. This was what I was trying to say. Jungmo, he was the reason.” Serim sighed. Allen stood there lost. “What?”

“He was the reason why I was ‘busy’, why I was always late, why I had no time to hang out with you at most times.” Allen’s eyebrows were furrowed. 

“I was seeing him, Allen. And the thing is, I hurt him. I hurt you and him. I hurt the both of you. And soon enough, I hurt myself.” Serim found himself losing all the energy he had on his legs. His knees buckled, reminiscing the hurt looks of the people he cared for the most.

The atmosphere was near rigid. Only the sound of the bustling street from outside rang through their ears. That, and the pounding of their own hearts. Nervous to where the conversation was going. 

“I’m really sorry. I know it’s useless but if I can’t say it then I think I’m gonna go crazy.” Serim crouched on the ground, his legs completely giving out on him. Allen stayed quiet, but he hoisted Serim up and dragged him up the stairs. He lead the both of them to the rooftop. 

Reaching the place, Serim just sat by the wall. Allen made his way to the railings, appreciating what’s below them from twelve feet up. He gave Serim a few minutes to collect himself. The younger’s thoughts kept wandering to Jungmo. 

Not long after, Serim found himself walking up to Allen’s side. Neither of the two spoke, as if a mental conversation within them was enough. To be honest, Allen wasn’t mad at Serim, he was just upset. He’d been upset about it for years. 

“I’m sorry.” Allen turned to look at Serim. 

“You could’ve just told me before. Why’d you have to make up excuses?” Allen’s tone was always calm, something Serim could never do. 

“Because I was worried.”

“Worried about what? Me hating you for liking guys?” Serim stayed silent. The younger one was right. “Gosh, Serim. I wouldn’t have minded, in fact, I would have supported you even.” Allen scoffed.

“I don’t know, I just thought you would. You look like it.” Serim murmured. Allen glared at him.

“Don’t assume things like that. And besides, I don’t judge people, you of all people know that.” Serim received a light punch on the shoulders. He chuckled.

“I guess that’s also what you said to Jungmo?” This time, Serim had the strength to look at Allen.

“Well yeah, I wanted him to know that I didn’t hate him for his past with you since I was in no place to.”

“You never changed, huh?” This time, Serim had the strength to look at Allen. 

“Well I hope you did.” Allen stared back. Serim raised an eyebrow. “You have to tell me why you acted like an ass to Jungmo’s confession and explain why you suddenly called Jungmo out of nowhere just when he was finally having his stuff together.”

“It’s funny how you never curse.”

“Fuck you.”

“Nevermind.” Serim sighed.

“If I was honest, I was really stupid.” He started off. 

“You were.” Serim told Allen to shut up with his inbetween remarks.

“Damn, let me talk. I honestly didn’t know Jungmo was going to confess that day. That’s why I teased him when he said he had something to say to me.” The older chuckled. “Wrong move.”

“When I saw how he reacted to my words, that’s when I realized a bit too late. He told me to stop what we had, if we even had anything in the first place, and I was caught up in the moment that I said words that I should never have.” 

“Did you like him?” Allen asked. 

“So much.”

“Up until now?”

“No, just before. I called him to finally apologize after years of trying to let it slide.” Serim shifted his position and was now leaning his back to the railings. Allen mirrored his action.

“What made you do it?” He asked. 

“Well, I know it sounds weird but I was cleaning my camera roll and saw a pic of his-- Now hold on, before you jump me, in my defense, I deleted all of his pictures long ago. I probably just missed it.” Serim raised his arms in defense.

“So did you delete it or not?” Allen felt his pocket buzz. It must be Jungmo looking for him. In a while, baby.

“Of course I did! Why would I still keep it?” Serim asked him in disbelief. Allen shrugged. Both of them went silent again. Allen figured it was time to go. 

“Do you have anything more to say? I have to go, he’s looking for me.” The younger stood straight and waited for a response. Serim thought of it for a while. 

“If it’s not too much to ask, can I meet him in person? To properly apologize at least. After that, I’m out of your hair. I promise.” Serim sounded genuine. Allen knew he wasn’t the type to lie when it comes to this. He was a jerk for hiding his relationship with Jungmo from Allen, sure, but he would never mess things up on purpose.

“It’s fine with me. Not sure about him, though. But I’ll ask.” Allen gave Serim a pat on the back and headed to the stairs. Before he could take another step down, Serim called for him.

“Hey, thanks for meeting up with me,” Serim smiled. “And I’m really sorry for everything.” Allen gave him a wave saying they were good and continued his descent.

That’s one thing off of Serim’s chest. 

Just as Allen reached his car, his phone rang for the third time. He answered it. 

“Hey, baby.” He fumbled for his car keys. Jungmo asked him where he was since it was already so late, not giving him the chance to talk. Allen opened the car door and went inside, still listening to his lover’s voice. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, Jungmo really cared for him.

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry I’m on my way home now. . . Yes, I promise. . . Love you too.” He ended the call and started up the engine. 

On his way home, he thought about what he would say to Jungmo.

————

Allen was welcomed with Jungmo’s figure blocking the entrance. He smiled at the younger cheekily. He walked closer to hug Jungmo but was halted with Jungmo’s incredulous glare.

“Where were you? And don’t tell me you were on overtime because Minhee was a bad liar. A very bad one, in fact.” Jungmo huffed. Allen thought he sounded like a mother. He said nothing and engulfed Jungmo in a tight hug, pushing him inside the duplex. The latter’s protests were unheard as Allen stuck onto him like glue.

“I love you. I love you so much.” Jungmo was taken aback at the sudden declaration of love by the older. Allen gave him a quick kiss. Jungmo stared at him bemused. 

“Why are you suddenly kissing my ass?” The taller gasped. “Are you in trouble?!” He nearly yelled. Allen was quick to disagree. 

“No! Of course not!” He chuckled.

“Well, do you mind telling me why you’re late then?” Jungmo crossed his arms over his chest. Allen nodded and said that he would only if Jungmo would listen to what he had to say first. Allen thought that if he was gonna tell Jungmo, he might as well start from the very beginning.

Jungmo gave Allen some time to change into more comfortable clothes as he waited at the living room. He didn’t really know why, but Jungmo felt somehow nervous. Allen came back a few minutes later.

“And I’m back!” Allen sat beside him. 

“Okay, now tell.”

“Fine, fine. But don’t be shocked, okay?” Allen held Jungmo’s hands. The younger nodded earnestly, eager to know. Deep inside, Allen was also clamoring in nervousness. He had no idea how Jungmo might react to his words. He just hoped Jungmo wouldn’t hate him for it.

“Me and Serim were friends before.” Allen mumbled quickly, keeping his head down. Jungmo winced, trying to understand what he just said.

“Say it again, much slower this time if you don’t mind.” Jungmo squeezed his hands, acting as if the answer would come out if he held them hard enough.

“Hey, that hurts!” 

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Okay, here I go.” Allen sucked in a breath. 

“Serim and I were friends back in college.” He said slowly. Jungmo’s eyebrows danced in question. 

“Huh?” Was all he could say. 

“Back in college, when you two had a thing together, we were still friends.” Allen explained further. As he continued, Jungmo’s hand found their way to his mouth. By the end of the explanation, he gasped in shock. 

“What?” The taller abruptly stood up. Allen pulled him back down. “So I was the reason why you two stopped being friends?” Jungmo choked out as he got up again and paced back and forth around the living room. Allen followed him with his eyes, telling him to sit down again and again as if it was a mantra.

“I told you, it wasn’t your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Serim’s.” Allen said. Jungmo wouldn’t listen.

“But because of me, you two broke apart. Of course it’s my fault, everything is.” Jungmo chuckled sadly. 

“No, it wasn’t. It was Serim’s fault that we stopped being friends. Not yours. Remember, we didn’t even know each other back then.” Allen kept reassuring him. Even so, he was right. None of this was Jungmo’s fault to begin with.

“But still, if I never came into his life then you two would still be okay now.” Jungmo stared at Allen straight in the eye. Allen felt as if the hurt that Jungmo was feeling suddenly connected to him.

“Oh no, I’m such a bad person.” Jungmo sobbed louder into his hands, blocking out Allen’s words from entering his ears further.

“Why are you crying? Baby, please don’t cry.” Allen grabbed his hands in a gentle manner. Jungmo cried harder. Allen was worried. 

“Please trust me when I say none of this was your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t cry anymore, Jungmo.” He hugged Jungmo close. Allen let him be for a while. 

When Jungmo’s cries turned into quiet sob, Allen held his face and wiped the tear stains that streaked his complexion.

“I need to tell you something more, but you need to listen to me, okay? Don’t cry, it’s okay.” Allen smiled as Jungmo sighed and nodded. 

“Earlier, I met with Serim— Now, Mogu, listen to me. I met with Serim and we talked. We tried to clear out our past misunderstandings.” Jungmo listened to him attentively.

“He also told me about you two before.” Jungmo whined and hid his face on Allen’s neck. Allen chuckled. 

“Don’t worry, nothing bad.” He played with Jungmo’s hair, caressing the soft crown of locks gently. 

“He also told me something very important.” Jungmo raised his head up and looked at his lover, expectant with what he had to say next.

“But I can’t tell you that.” Jungmo’s glistening features turned grouchy. 

“Why?” He asked. Allen pinched his cheeks.

“Well,” The older man wasn't sure if he should say it or not. Jungmo started shaking him back and forth, annoying him so he would tell.

“Okay, okay. Stop shaking me.” 

“Tell.” 

“Because he hoped to tell you himself.” Allen finally said. If he was to be asked, he would be glad if Jungmo had proper closure with Serim so that the past would stop bothering the younger. 

“What does that mean?” Jungmo asked, seeming to not understand the string of words Allen just announced. 

“Serim asked me if he could meet with you in person so he could properly apologize to you but I said that the answer will depend on you.” Allen elaborated further. Jungmo suddenly got a strong feeling of anxiety rising up to his chest.

Serim wanted to meet with him in person? 

“I don’t think I can see him in person alone.” Jungmo fumbled with his fingers. After their unforgettable last confrontation from years ago, Jungmo doesn’t think he would have the face to see Serim again in person. 

I mean, Jungmo almost broke down when he heard Serim’s voice through a phone call after so long. How much more seeing him alone in person? Jungmo thought he’d rather get eaten by the ground.

“Then, do you want me to accompany you?” Allen offered and the younger gave him a judgeful look. 

“You’d do that?” He asked, almost not believing him. Allen scoffed and smiled. 

“Of course, anything for you.” He winked at the latter. Jungmo let out a giggle too. Allen was the best. 

But Jungmo was still hesitant about it. It’s not really that easy seeing again the person who probably caused you to feel every kind of existing emotion the human body could experience. 

It hurt his brain.

“I’ll think about it.” Jungmo finally said after some time. Allen nodded at him, saying that he shouldn’t pressure himself and just follow what his guts told him.

“Alright, now, why don’t we get some rest?” Allen stood up and held his hands out to Jungmo like the usual. Jungmo followed him languishly, feeling his energy getting drained with every step he took. 

The two reached their room and Allen excused himself to take a quick bath, leaving Jungmo alone with his own jumbled thoughts. 

If Jungmo thought about it, he really wouldn’t lose anything if he agreed to meet up with Serim. But the embarrassment and anger from the only memory he stuck by and the pride that made him independent without needing anyone else except for Allen out-balanced the given scale of pros and cons. 

At the same time, meeting with Serim meant a good fix in between Allen and Serim’s friendship and him and Serim having the proper closure both of them needed. 

Jungmo ruffled his hair in frustration. Not only because of the thoughts, but also because of his habit crying under revelations and pressure. He’d cried at least four times in the past two weeks and he felt bad because Allen had to deal with every single one of them. 

Allen was so sweet with his words that Jungmo was beyond thankful for him. The older man always managed to make him feel better no matter what situation life had to offer. He never complained nor got mad everytime Jungmo had these types of episodes. He would sit beside Jungmo, keep him close, hug him, kiss him, anything that would calm the younger, he did it.

If we were to bring back another scene from the past, that’s how Jungmo and Allen found each other. 

It was during Jungmo’s final quarter exams in uni when Allen had found him crying his eyes out on his textbook about business management in one of the shelves of the city’s public libraries. 

Although Jungmo was a stranger to Allen, the older still sat beside him until he finished studying. Jungmo asked him why he was doing it and Allen said the most cliché thing Jungmo had heard. 

_ “It’s not like I would just leave such a pretty face to cry alone in this dusty corner.” Allen smiled at him. Jungmo just stared at his extended arm. When Allen figured he wouldn’t shake it, he let out an awkward cough and retracted his hand back, hiding it in his pockets. _

_ “What if I was a ghost?” Jungmo childishly remarked. The older laughed. Jungmo wouldn’t admit it but it sounded really nice. _

_ “Then you must be the most handsome ghost I’ve ever seen.” _

Jungmo laughed to himself, reminiscing his own fair share of memories with Allen in the past. 

Jungmo felt the space beside him sink. He didn’t notice Allen finally getting out of the bathroom. He was even fully clothed. Just how long was I day dreaming?

“Hey.” Jungmo finally said after a while. The room was dark, only the sound of the AC resonated around the room. Allen hummed to acknowledge him. 

Jungmo tousled so he could be on his sides and that he was facing Allen. The latter mirrored the action. Jungmo thought about it for the last time before speaking.

“I’ll do it. I’ll meet with him.” He finally decided. Allen sat up halfway, supporting himself with an elbow. 

“Really?” 

“Only if you come with me.” Jungmo said. Allen smiled in the darkness. He laid back down and pulled Jungmo closer. 

“Of course, I would.” Allen kissed the younger’s hair. Drowsiness hit Jungmo out of nowhere.

“Thank you for being brave.” He gave the sleepy Jungmo a praise. Too tired to respond, Jungmo languorously wrapped his arms around Allen’s figure.

That night, Jungmo’s thoughts were serene.

————

“Hey, if I jump out of the car at this speed, will I die?” 

“Put your seatbelt back, Jungmo.” Allen gave him a sharp stare before returning his eyes on the road.

“Can I back out?”

“No.”

“You said it was my choice.” Jungmo whined. Putting his seatbelt back on hastily. Allen didn’t listen.

“It was, fifteen minutes ago. When you were excitedly pulling me out of the place.” Allen said as a matter of factly. Jungmo crossed his arms with a huff. He glared at Allen through his bangs that went unnoticed. 

Jungmo sat up again.

“It’s not too late to turn around now. We can skip this and go to the mall and have a date—,” The engine stopped.

“We’re here.” Allen unbuckled his and Jungmo’s seatbelts. The younger stared at him in disbelief.

“I can’t fucking stand you.” Jungmo deadpanned. Allen laughed and gave him a kiss on the lips.

“I know, baby. I know.” 

Allen got out of the vehicle first, circling the curb to open Jungmo’s side of the car. He winked at the sulking younger. Jungmo looked cute.

He got out of the car and flattened his wrinkled polo shirt. Jungmo felt Allen’s arm snake around his shoulders after much struggle. The older one gave him a smile.

“Jungmo, you’re going to be okay. The both of you are just going to talk. Like catching up with a friend.” Allen tried to make him feel less nervous. Jungmo had to laugh.

“He broke my heart. He’s not a friend, Al.” Jungmo rolled his eyes. The two started walking towards the meeting place, hip to hip. Allen’s arms dropped to the side. 

“Huh, you’re right.” He opted to link their arms. “Fuck Serim. Say whatever you want to him. If he says something weird, I’ll back you up.” Allen said. Although his words were funny, they were very genuine.

“Exactly, so why can’t you sit with us then?” Jungmo asked in exasperation. They stopped by the entrance of the cafe. Giving the inside a subtle glance. The two saw Serim by the counter, ordering what they assumed was his usual.

“Because it’s you two’s problem, not mine.” Allen caught Jungmo off guard and started pushing him inside the store. The door chime clanked against one another which caught some people’s attention. One of which was Serim’s.

He waved to them slightly. Jungmo felt his heart stop when he finally locked eyes with the older. He frantically looked at Allen for help but the older just gave him a smile before waving back to Serim. 

The said man walked closer towards them and Jungmo felt himself taking a step back. This was his first time seeing Serim after years. Jungmo’s breath hitched as Serim stopped in front of them. 

“Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.” Jungmo stared at him for a while. He felt so nervous.  _ I think I’m gonna puke. _

“Hey, you’re gonna be fine.” Jungmo felt Allen’s hand circle on his back. His tense posture eventually dispersed. He sucked in a breath and nodded. Allen excused himself from the two saying he would just sit somewhere else to give the two some privacy. Serim thanked Allen while Jungmo almost let out a whine.

“Um, shall we?” Serim gestured to the table near the entrance. Jungmo followed quietly. The two sat adjacent to each other. Both were stiff, looking anywhere but each other. 

“Allen must’ve said a lot to you.” Jungmo’s head snapped towards the voice. He mustered up his courage to not retract his gaze back. 

“Not really. Just the part where you guys were old friends.” Jungmo cleared his throat, his voice betraying him in the slightest.

“Why did you agree to meet with me?” Serim asked out of nowhere. Jungmo sat there frozen. He thought about it, yet he had no idea why.

“I’m not sure too. I guess I wanted to patch things up if that made any sense.” Jungmo played with the table napkins in sight, tearing the small table linen and shaping them into little bits of circles. 

Serim noticed and smiled. Jungmo still had the same habit of fumbling with things if he was nervous. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Jungmo stopped ripping midway through. He looked at Serim with eyes that screamed confusion and gratitude.

“Back when you ended things between us, or whatever we had, I didn’t mean anything I said.” Serim sighed. 

“I was just too scared, I guess. I said things without second thought. I was very reckless with them and before I knew it, I fucked up between us.” Jungmo listened to Serim blaming himself. Jungmo wouldn’t lie. It made him feel somehow better. 

“Did you like me too, back then?” He finally asked after staying silent for some time. Serim nodded. 

“I did. I just realized too late.” The older one confessed. Jungmo chuckled to himself quietly. 

“Well that’s stupid.” 

“I do a lot of stupid things, don’t I?” Serim laughed along with him. Jungmo felt his chest lighten. He glanced at Allen from afar. Allen was too focused looking at Serim with a frown.

“Serim,” He abandoned the napkins and sat up straight. Serim raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. It was the first time in a while that Jungmo had said Serim’s name himself again. 

“You and Allen, did you patch things up with each other?” Jungmo asked. Serim ‘ah-ed’, shaking his head in approval. 

“We did.” 

“He’s glaring at you.”

“I know.” Serim laughed. 

“We’re good now but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate me for talking to his boyfriend.” He waved at Allen who rolled his eyes at him and finally returned his gaze to his phone.

“How are you? Like, just in general. Are you living well?” The younger got his attention back.

“Yeah. I have a decent job and place now at least.” He kept it simple. Jungmo nodded. After that none of the two spoke again. 

"I forgive you." Jungmo blurted out.

"Hm?" Serim hummed, confused.

"Your apology, I accept it.” Jungmo said. The latter smiled. He was about to speak when Jungmo continued on.

“But, I don’t think I want to see you again.” Serim decided to wait for him to finish.

“I don’t want to get tied up with my past so I think it’s better if this is the last time we see each other.” Jungmo’s tone was apologetic but Serim clearly understood. 

Jungmo was right. It was more convenient for them to not cross each other’s paths again seeing how everything was already working out for them without the need for the other in their lives. 

“I understand.” Serim leaned back on his chair with a soft sigh. “I guess that’s better for everyone.” He laughed. 

“Thanks for accepting my apology.” He said earnestly. Jungmo stood up.

“It was long overdue anyway.” Jungmo reached out a hand. Serim mirrored his action and stood up as well. He shook Jungmo’s hands.

“Well,” Jungmo pocketed his hands and glanced at Allen. Jungmo caught him off guard. Allen stood from his table and made his way to the two. “I’m still glad you did. At least it’s off our chests already.” Serim agreed with his words. 

Allen reached them. “You two are good now?” Jungmo muttered a small, “Yeah.”

“Thanks for forgiving me too.” Serim patted Allen’s shoulder. 

“Who said I did?” Allen teased. Serim rolled his eyes. 

“I should get going.” The oldest eventually said. Jungmo and Allen offered to walk out along with him.

The three made their way to the parking area. They had small talk before Serim had to excuse himself because of a meet up. 

Jungmo wished him well saying that he should live a good life since he had no regrets chained up inside him anymore. Serim thanked him for everything. 

When Serim’s vehicle left, Jungmo finally let out a relieved sigh. Allen looked at him expectantly. 

“How was it?” Was the first thing he asked his boyfriend. Jungmo flashed him his rows of white. 

“I feel better. I didn’t realize until today that I was really holding on to the past so much that I was almost too miserable; if not for you, that is.” Jungmo quickly added the last part, making Allen laugh. 

“I was about to protest.” They walked towards their car.

“Shut up, you know I love you.” Jungmo got in the passenger’s seat. Allen hummed, making himself comfortable as well. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Allen drolled. Jungmo glared at him. 

“Get out.”

“Do you know how to drive?” Allen asked him with a smug smirk. Jungmo pushed him lightly until Allen was practically attached to the car door. Jungmo was acting pretty childish. Probably because he felt so happy at that moment. 

“Of course, I can!” He defended himself. “Then let’s get your driver’s test next week.” Allen started to rile him up.

“No. I hate you.” Jungmo stopped bothering him. Allen finally started up the vehicle after five minutes of being inside it. 

“Yeah, I thought so.” He joined the highway along with the other bustling vehicles that flooded the lanes. 

“Where do you wanna go? In case you want to clear your mind or just anything, you know.” Allen asked him. Jungmo wasn’t looking at the older but he was smiling to himself. Allen was really thoughtful.

“I think I’m okay.” He looked at Allen. The latter gave him a quick glance. 

“You sure?”

“As long as I’m with you, yeah.” 

“That’s pretty cheesy of you.” Nonetheless, Allen offered his right hand. Jungmo intertwined their fingers happily. 

“You did great back there, talking to Serim and all.” Allen complimented him out of nowhere. Jungmo playfully bit his knuckles. Allen hissed but didn’t retract his hand.

“You think so?” He gave the same spot he just bit a small, tingling kiss and stared at Allen giddily.

“I know so. My Mogu is so cool for always facing his worries head on.” Allen gave him a longing smile. Jungmo’s nose scrunched up at the mention of the cute nickname Allen made for him.

“Well it’s all because you always keep supporting me.” 

“It’s only normal to support the one you love so much.” The older one was so slick with his words. There was no way Jungmo wouldn’t swoon because of them. 

“Alright, alright. That’s enough cheesiness for today.” Jungmo giggled.

“Let’s go home?” Allen asked.

“You are my home.” Jungmo looked at him seriously. Allen pursed his lips. He stopped at a red light.

“Be honest, do you need something from me.” Allen jested. Jungmo crossed his arms. 

“I really can’t stand you. I was trying to be sweet. Why do you always push me to a corner.” The younger whined.

“Should I push you down somewhere instead— Hey! Stop biting me! The light is green, get off me!” Allen laughed in misery. His biceps in pain. 

Jungmo sat back in his seat, feeling ecstatic. He was really happy.

"I may sound like a broken record but letting that all out felt really good." Jungmo released a relieved sigh. Allen, although focused on the road again, felt happy for him as well.

"So now don't bottle everything up. If you need to talk about something, always know that I’m here to listen.” Allen placed a comforting hand over Jungmo’s thigh. Jungmo placed his hand on top of it with a cheeky smile.

“Okay, I promise.” 


End file.
